Couples and individual counselling · Bucharest and online
Infidelity
A betrayal, a disappointment, a robbery, sometimes known, yet unbearable to know. A path that passes through trauma, adjustment, mourning and, sometimes, transformation.
Discovering an infidelity overturns everything you thought you knew about the other person and, often, about yourself. The past is suddenly rewritten, and the present becomes hard to live in.
There is no recipe and no timetable for getting over such a rupture. There is, however, a path, with stages that cannot be skipped. It can be travelled together or separately, in a space where no one is judged and no one is rushed into forgiving. From a psychoanalytic perspective, infidelity is not only an act but also a message: about a lack, a desire that found no place, a part of the relationship or of one’s own story that could not be lived together. Understanding this message does not mean excusing what happened, but making room for a decision taken with clarity.
Four moments along the way
Trauma
In the first weeks, the discovery works like a shock: insomnia, thoughts that keep coming back, the need to know everything and the impossibility of bearing what you find out. For the one who was betrayed, the basic security of the relationship has collapsed; for the one who cheated, guilt, shame and fear arise. Decisions taken now are often the decisions of the wound, not of the person. The first thing needed is a place where the shock can be put into words and contained.
Adjustment
After the shock comes the period in which each of you tries to understand what happened and how life can go on, day by day: what to tell friends and family, which questions still make sense and which only reopen the wound. Infidelity rarely comes out of the blue. Without justifying it, it is possible to understand what paved the way for it: distance, things left unsaid, a need neither of you knew how to name. For the one who was betrayed, beyond the betrayal itself, a deeper wound often appears: the pain of not having been enough.
Mourning
Every infidelity leaves a loss behind, whether the couple stays together or not: the loss of the relationship as you believed it to be, of your image of the other, sometimes of your image of yourself. For the one who cheated, there may also be mourning for the affair. These losses need to be mourned, not bypassed; otherwise they return as suspicion or as reproach that never dies down. Grief and loss →
Transformation
Some couples rebuild after an infidelity, others separate. Both can be good decisions, if they are taken with clarity, not out of panic or pride. Transformation does not mean going back to what was, but a relationship, with the other or with yourself, that takes account of what happened. And when infidelity repeats itself, in different relationships, the question is no longer about a particular person, but about a pattern. Breakup → · Divorce →
If you recognise yourself here, write to me →
Who it is for
- Couples — who want to understand what happened, whatever the final decision
- The one who was betrayed or the one who cheated — individually, when working together is not yet possible
What my experience is made of
I am a clinical psychologist licensed in Romania and a psychoanalytic psychotherapist in training.
Loyalty, autonomy, love and desire were the themes of my bachelor’s thesis in psychology, “Loyalty and Autonomy in Adult Relationships”, and of my master’s dissertation in psychoanalysis, “Loyalty and Sexuality: Love with a Forbidden Aim”.
How it works
- Write to me using the form below or by email. A few lines are enough; there is no need to explain everything.
- I reply within 1–2 working days and we arrange the time of the first meeting together.
- The first meeting, 45 minutes long, at the practice or online, is devoted to understanding the situation. Only then do we decide together whether and how to continue.
The framework
Sessions last 45 minutes and take place at the practice or online: together, with both partners, or individually. We set the pace together. Fee: 300 lei / couples session; 250 lei / individual session.
First meeting
Write me a few lines about what brings you. There is no need to explain everything.
Or write to me directly at radutudorache@protonmail.com.
Psychological counselling does not replace medical intervention when it is needed.